A few quotes rolling around in my head lately. I was on the train on my way to work sometime last week and it suddenly just hit me… “Holy frak, I’m 32!” And of course this is what popped into my head next:
Sally: No, no, no I drove him away, and I’m going to be forty.
Harry: In eight years.
Sally: But it’s there. It’s just sitting there like this big dead end.
And speaking of dead ends, I found out this week that Whatshisface is married. He got married in September. Cue the next WHMS quote.
You should never go to bed with anyone when you find out your boyfriend is getting married.
Okay, so sleeping with someone not really going to be an issue, but DEAR LORD the crap this revelation has drudged up. I know I should be a big, grown-up, mature person, but I really want to kick him in the shins, still, for a whole myriad of reasons. If I hadn’t given up drinking things other than water for Lent, I’d pour myself a good, stiff drink. Alas. In some ways, it feels like going through the break-up all over again, as the theme is the same: He’s happy without you. Ouch. Which brings us to the next quote:
…if you don’t grab him someone else will and you’ll have spend the rest of your life knowing that someone else is married to your husband.
This is somewhat the theme of one of the last books I read: “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” by Lori Gottlieb. The author is 40-something and trying to fix her dating life, so she consults matchmakers and life/dating coaches and does interviews with people in happy marriages. The gist of her message is that sometimes people are picky about things that don’t really matter, and if you keep rejecting good guys because you’re looking for the perfect man you’ll end up with nothing. So find out what really matters, give people a chance, and give relationships time to develop “that feeling.” That’s the positive slant. The negative is this– basically, the older you get 1) the less selection there is and 2) the less other people want you. So in a nutshell, young women should learn not to be too picky when they’re younger and have a better selection, because if you don’t find someone you connect with when you’re young you will be left in a position where the only men who are interested in you are men 10-20 years older than you who are looking for someone with a viable uterus. Take that out of the picture and you’re pretty much screwed. Oh, and whoever else is out there to be had is almost guaranteed to be more boring and even less of what you want than the person you’re with now. You will experience diminishing returns.
RHETT: You know, I’m sorry for you, Scarlett.
SCARLETT: Sorry for me?
RHETT: Yes, sorry for you because you’re throwing away happiness with both hands. And reaching out for something that will never make you happy.
While you figure this out, the men you had relationships with before are getting married to women who have figured it all out quicker than you, so you have no chance to go back if you realize that at some point you made a mistake in not scooping someone up.
This is not good news for someone who makes crucial decisions with the lightning speed of a three-toed sloth. It just makes you feel like you suck at life. And to compound these mental issues, I think the honeymoon period with TDH is pretty much over, and we are entering a period labeled “Hard.” :(